I am ... MYSELF!

Everyone has a story to tell. Whether it be a happy one or a sad one; we all still have a story. I love stories. Listening to all the different things people have to say. Stories help others better understand you. It's your life story. It's a part of who you are. It's a part of who and what we have become. But, it's up to you to tell your own story. It's up to you to own up to who you really are. I've seen, in many instances, where people make up excuses for being who they are. Embrace yourself! Be who you are. Be... yourself.

I never realized how much my life experiences have actually shaped my personality. I've changed so much over the past year, and I still amaze myself, today. I guess, in a way, I just really underestimated myself when it came to being me. I never looked at myself the way that I look as myself today. If you were to ask me to describe myself today, I'd say I'm very independent, out-going, and a very happy person. If you were to ask me to same question a year ago, I'd wish you hadn't even asked. I was so insecure with myself. A lot, in which, I used to blame on my ex. But, today, it's made me who I am. The person, people see today, is not the same person a year ago. This girl is bright, intelligent, and knows exactly what she wants in life. This girl is in control for the first time in her life. I just really wanted to help others find their selves the same way I've found myself.

Here's my story:

Growing up, I never imagined being in the shoes I was 3 years ago. I never thought I'd have to make the wrenching decision to move away from home and be independent as quickly as I did. But, I didn't get any scholarships in high school and no one ever explained to me the beauty of student loans, so, I thought I had no other choice but to enlist into the military just so I could go to school. Well, I made it through basic and tech school just fine and then it was off to my first assignment; Cannon AFB, New Mexico. When I first drove in, it just appeared as though I was moving to Illinois. It was flat, there was farm land, and lots of cows. It was the mere glace at Illinois all over again.

Well, not too long after I got here, I met this guy; my ex. I won't go too into detail about it him, but, to me, he was so perfect. He was smart, funny, goofy. He was me in a mans body. And for some odd reason, it turned me on. Well, about 5 months later, he ended up moving away and we basically had a long distance relationship from then on out. It started out just fine, we talked on the phone constantly and we were always laughing and having a good time. Well, there came a time when I still wanted to act normal and hang out with my friends. This didn't go over very well with him. He assumed I'd be going out with a bunch of guys, having a good time without him. This should have been a RED FLAG!!! But, I didn't know any better so I ended up never going out on my own and when I did, I did it behind his back. Did he ever suspect that I was doing it behind his back? Of course!! But, I just kept digging my hole deeper and deeper, coming up with even more lies to cover up the other ones. Sooner or later, I wasn't me anymore. I was who he wanted me to be. Or at least I was in his eyes.

This went on for a little over 3 years. That's right! I let this man control my life more the most important years of my life and I almost gave him my whole life. But, I made it out. I said no, and that was it. Once I started telling my feelings, none of my feelings were staying inside. Not anymore. No ma'am! I was a new woman and I was going to make sure he knew it. I broke it off with him, and that same night, I went out with someone else who actually showed me what it's like to be treated like a real lady. This 'new' guy was just a one time deal, but it's exactly what I needed at the time. After being controlled for as long as I allowed my ex to control me, I needed to let go and be free. And that's exactly what I did. I let go, and I was free.

Now, going from being in a relationship for 3 1/2 years to being single all of a sudden, is not easy at all. You hit your little bumps in the road (or big ones). But, it has been the most amazing experience I've ever had in my entire life. I'm finally able to discover myself the proper way and be the girl I should have been 3 years ago. It was definitely a lesson learned on my part. A huge lesson learned. I let that man break me down for so long, and now that I'm free, I'm not going to dwell on the fact that I was small then. I'm bigger now! I will never dwell on the past and let it bring my days down. Oh no! It will only make each day that much better. I stood my ground and have ever since. I put a smile on everyday, and guess what, it's because I believed in myself. I knew I deserved nothing less than myself. I'm on a higher ground now, so he'll never be able to reach me.

I can proudly say I am a believer. I am an independent woman. I am... ME! I thank God everyday for taking me every step of the way. I thank him for surrounding me with people who not only helped me but other people that I could share my story with and inspire. I inspire myself to do good everyday. I will never settle for less than I deserve and I'm proud that I can actually stand my ground and say it out loud today. So, believe in yourself. Be inspired. Be... yourself.

I'm not expecting everyone to be so inspired by my story that they want to do the same as me. Some people learn by other peoples mistakes. I've done that, but sometimes you have to take the fall first. Sometimes, you have to take that fall and help YOURSELF back up, so that you realize it's you who has to believe in yourself. Friends and family can tell you all day that they believe in you. At the end of the day, the only person who matters in believing in you is yourself. So, if I'd want anyone to take anything out of this story, it'd be that you will at least try to believe in yourself better. It won't happen over night, so don't look in the mirror the next morning and be disappointed because nothing seemed to change. Growing into the person you will be, is a gradual process. If that's had for you to remember, just think that for you to grow from the 6 year old who loved to color to the 19 year old you are striving to make it in college, remember that you didn't go to be as a 6 year old and wake up as a 19 year old. :)

The Sundance Ranch

Hey all! It almost seems like forever since I've actually posted a post on here.

Well, I have fabulous news, I'm not all that busy anymore and I'm pretty much back! Yay!

Well, since I haven't posted anything in a while, most all of you don't know what I've been doing. Well, this is where the fun comes in. I've found myself a hobby, that I voluneer for every Sunday morning. I have found great pleasures in doing so and can't believe that I actually enjoy myself as much as I do.

I started volunteering at a place called the Sundance Ranch Sancuary. It's a place where cats can go to be taken care of before they find themselves an owner. But, this isn't the best part. This place does not kill off the cats if the cats that never find an owner or are even too sick to be adopted. NO, this place ends up being that cats home. That's right. This place not only shelters cats in need of a place to stay, but it also becomes a home to some of them. Here are a few things you might want to know about the Ranch...

DETAILS:

The Sundance Ranch houses about 4o cats right now. It is the most wonderful place where these cats can stay while they await an owner to adopt them. I have learned so much by volunteering at the Ranch. I've the different quirks about the cats and when they say all cats have their own personality, they're absolutely 100% right. I have my favorites, but I never treat them any better than the others. The Ranch is a privately owned business that keeps running because the many donations it recieves from private donaters. This is why all of the workers that work there voluneer. It's probably one of the best jobs I'll ever have and I don't ever think I'd ever ask for a dime, EVER. This place has taught me so much more than what I used to know and I'll take that with me if ever I should be parted from the wonderful city of Clovis, NM.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP:

The Sundance Ranch is always looking for more voluteers. So, if you'd like to volunteer your time to help out the Ranch, please visit our website at www.sundancesancuary.org and go to Programs and volunteer. You will be asked to fill out a few things on a questionaire, but it's really all that simple.

If you do not live in the Clovis, NM area but would still like play your part with helping the Ranch, please visit our website at www.sundancesuncuary.org and click on donate. You will then see a list of different ways you can donate to the ranch.


In closing, I'd like to thank all of you who have read this and would like the help us out. Every little thing matters there at the Ranch, and I'm just glad that I've actually had the chance to be apart of something so small but so big all at the same time. Thanks, again!!

Vday 2009.

I really thought that this Valentine's day was going to be the worst I'd have in years. Well, I honestly believe that God knew and did everything in his power to make me happy. It worked!

God sent me the most precious gift in the whole world. A little girl I found wandering around at the park all alone. The saddest part about her story is the simple fact that everyone disregarded her as if she were nonexistent. I called her over to me and she came right over to me, and it was then that I knew she didn't have anyone to love her everyday like she needed. I decided to love her and give her a home. I've decided to call my littlest precious gift, Lucy. She's amazing. She's the smallest puppy I've ever seen in my entire life. So, I've decided to give her a place to call home. I truly do think she likes it here. We all love you, Lucy!!

The Note That Hit Home.

I know I haven't blogged in about 2 weeks but I had a phone dilemma and then my computer ended up completely shutting down on me. Fun fun. I have my connections at work and got my computer fixed. I also had insurance on my phone and got a new phone. Yay!! So, my phone is under my ex's credit (dumb move on my part) and in order for me to activate my new phone, I needed the last 4 of his social. Yeah right!! I hadn't talked to my ex since right before Thanksgiving. So, here I was stuck and didn't know what to do. How are you supposed to get ahold of someone who hates you so much, they won't even pick up the phone? Turn out, the customer care lady understood and since she couldn't get ahold of my ex on the work phone, she tried her cell phone. It worked!! Kudos to that lady. She was a life saver. (literally, I can't do my job without having a phone, how else are they going to recall me??)

So, I finally got my phone situation figured out but then my ex kept texting me back and forth wondering why I was still on his credit. I had to explain to him that I needed the money first and that I was planning on waiting until I got my taxes filed and my tax money back. So, the only deal we could negotiate was for me to send him his DVD player, Dog tags, and Dog shot records in return for me to stay on his credit a little bit longer. Sure whatever. That's fine with me.

No, of course it couldn't go that smoothly. Turns out, my roomie and me needed the cord that runs from the TV to the cable and I knew he'd be texting me about that too. So I put $10 in his package for him to buy a new one. That's not where the problem alies. The problem was, how in the hell was he going to know what the $10 was for? So, I had to write him a freaking note. So, not only is it bad enough I'm staying on his credit and sending him packages, now I have to write a stupid note explaining myself? Gee Whiz. So, I wrote him a stupid little note to go along with the package and here in the middle of writing his stupid note, I started crying. At this point, I'm highly confused. Why on earth am I crying? This guy put me through hell most of the time, why am I crying? I hadn't cried over him this entire time and the one time I have to explain $10 I get all teary eyed. I don't know. It didn't make much sense to me, but maybe that it has finally hit me. It finally hit that I'm single and he's not coming back. I did love this guy, don't get me wrong, I just never thought that in a million years, I'd get this teary eyed over $10.

Diamond Dave.

Okay, so, there's this guy, his name's Diamond Dave and he claims to be a Ninja. In this first video you're going to watch Diamond Dave give you a deminstration of some Ninja Dos and Don'ts. My computer is acting up, so I was unable to load the videos but here are the links. There's a total of 4 videos. The first is the Dos and Don'ts of Ninjian and the last 3 are when Diamond Dave appears on the Jerry Springer Show. I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.

Video 1:
Now, Don't Go Ninjian Nobody That Don't Need Ninjian!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2U-ZQMf56I

Video 2:
How's He Gonna Get His Lunch?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgchm303-Hs

Video 3:
My Nun Chuck In Her Mater Can?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf2w6Zy3DIQ

Video 4:
Honey Your Legs Are Too Long, It Looks Like You's Ridin' An Ostrich.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd6EjAmXUPQ

I hope you enjoy these!!

"You Ain't Got Style!"

So, I have this friend and we were talking last night on the phone and according to him, we could never be more than friends. Now, as of right now, I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone so it took me by surprise when he said this but when I asked him why, it was an even more surprising answer. "We could never date," he said, " 'cause you ain't got style like me." I was completely taken by surprise and didn't know what to say so I ask him, "Could you elaborate more for me, please?" When he began speaking I just wanted to tone him out but I listened anyways. He said, "Well, 'cause when we be goin' out and stuff to clubs and stuff, I'd look to thugish and you'd look too much like a white girl!" I think that was the last straw for me.

Normally it takes a lot for me to have my straws pulled but for being a 'white girl' from St. Louis, Listen to nothing but Hip Hop most days, I took this very personally. This guy has not known me long enough to know what I would wear to a club, or even what I would wear on a day to day basis but let's just say the conversation was finished and me and him will NOT be dating in the near future, not because he says so, but because he's ignorant at even knowing anything about me. Lame.

You Don't Know Jack!

This is my dog, Jack. He's a Dachshund mix. This is Jack's story. Jack was orginally my roommate's dog, but when she saw that I was so down that my ex took our German Sheppard mix when we split, so Jack was given to me. My roommate had 2 dogs at the time and so everything just panned out just right. I went with my roommate the day that she adopted Jack from the Clovis Animal Shelter. We went there to orginally get a little fluffy puppy but she had already been adopted by the time we'd arrived. We could have just left and came back another day for a different dog but the Clovis Animal Shelter is not a 'No Kill' shelter. So, we both felt bad and that's when we saw Jack. He was very happy to see us paying attention to him. You see, when Jack wags his tail his own back end wags too, and I found that to be the cutest thing. We've had our problems with him as well, though. It's in every Dachshund's mind to be very territorial over anything they believe to be thiers. Whether it be territory, toys, or even their owners. It scared me when he first attacked my roommate's other dog who was only about 7 months old at the time, but it turns out, that's just what his breed does. I've fallen too much in love with him to give him up now. He sleeps with me and he makes sure to move over if I start kicking and pushing while I'm in bed. And don't ever allow another human being or dog come in my room cause Jack is ready to attack. I think it's safe to say that you know Jack, now!