I am ... MYSELF!

Everyone has a story to tell. Whether it be a happy one or a sad one; we all still have a story. I love stories. Listening to all the different things people have to say. Stories help others better understand you. It's your life story. It's a part of who you are. It's a part of who and what we have become. But, it's up to you to tell your own story. It's up to you to own up to who you really are. I've seen, in many instances, where people make up excuses for being who they are. Embrace yourself! Be who you are. Be... yourself.

I never realized how much my life experiences have actually shaped my personality. I've changed so much over the past year, and I still amaze myself, today. I guess, in a way, I just really underestimated myself when it came to being me. I never looked at myself the way that I look as myself today. If you were to ask me to describe myself today, I'd say I'm very independent, out-going, and a very happy person. If you were to ask me to same question a year ago, I'd wish you hadn't even asked. I was so insecure with myself. A lot, in which, I used to blame on my ex. But, today, it's made me who I am. The person, people see today, is not the same person a year ago. This girl is bright, intelligent, and knows exactly what she wants in life. This girl is in control for the first time in her life. I just really wanted to help others find their selves the same way I've found myself.

Here's my story:

Growing up, I never imagined being in the shoes I was 3 years ago. I never thought I'd have to make the wrenching decision to move away from home and be independent as quickly as I did. But, I didn't get any scholarships in high school and no one ever explained to me the beauty of student loans, so, I thought I had no other choice but to enlist into the military just so I could go to school. Well, I made it through basic and tech school just fine and then it was off to my first assignment; Cannon AFB, New Mexico. When I first drove in, it just appeared as though I was moving to Illinois. It was flat, there was farm land, and lots of cows. It was the mere glace at Illinois all over again.

Well, not too long after I got here, I met this guy; my ex. I won't go too into detail about it him, but, to me, he was so perfect. He was smart, funny, goofy. He was me in a mans body. And for some odd reason, it turned me on. Well, about 5 months later, he ended up moving away and we basically had a long distance relationship from then on out. It started out just fine, we talked on the phone constantly and we were always laughing and having a good time. Well, there came a time when I still wanted to act normal and hang out with my friends. This didn't go over very well with him. He assumed I'd be going out with a bunch of guys, having a good time without him. This should have been a RED FLAG!!! But, I didn't know any better so I ended up never going out on my own and when I did, I did it behind his back. Did he ever suspect that I was doing it behind his back? Of course!! But, I just kept digging my hole deeper and deeper, coming up with even more lies to cover up the other ones. Sooner or later, I wasn't me anymore. I was who he wanted me to be. Or at least I was in his eyes.

This went on for a little over 3 years. That's right! I let this man control my life more the most important years of my life and I almost gave him my whole life. But, I made it out. I said no, and that was it. Once I started telling my feelings, none of my feelings were staying inside. Not anymore. No ma'am! I was a new woman and I was going to make sure he knew it. I broke it off with him, and that same night, I went out with someone else who actually showed me what it's like to be treated like a real lady. This 'new' guy was just a one time deal, but it's exactly what I needed at the time. After being controlled for as long as I allowed my ex to control me, I needed to let go and be free. And that's exactly what I did. I let go, and I was free.

Now, going from being in a relationship for 3 1/2 years to being single all of a sudden, is not easy at all. You hit your little bumps in the road (or big ones). But, it has been the most amazing experience I've ever had in my entire life. I'm finally able to discover myself the proper way and be the girl I should have been 3 years ago. It was definitely a lesson learned on my part. A huge lesson learned. I let that man break me down for so long, and now that I'm free, I'm not going to dwell on the fact that I was small then. I'm bigger now! I will never dwell on the past and let it bring my days down. Oh no! It will only make each day that much better. I stood my ground and have ever since. I put a smile on everyday, and guess what, it's because I believed in myself. I knew I deserved nothing less than myself. I'm on a higher ground now, so he'll never be able to reach me.

I can proudly say I am a believer. I am an independent woman. I am... ME! I thank God everyday for taking me every step of the way. I thank him for surrounding me with people who not only helped me but other people that I could share my story with and inspire. I inspire myself to do good everyday. I will never settle for less than I deserve and I'm proud that I can actually stand my ground and say it out loud today. So, believe in yourself. Be inspired. Be... yourself.

I'm not expecting everyone to be so inspired by my story that they want to do the same as me. Some people learn by other peoples mistakes. I've done that, but sometimes you have to take the fall first. Sometimes, you have to take that fall and help YOURSELF back up, so that you realize it's you who has to believe in yourself. Friends and family can tell you all day that they believe in you. At the end of the day, the only person who matters in believing in you is yourself. So, if I'd want anyone to take anything out of this story, it'd be that you will at least try to believe in yourself better. It won't happen over night, so don't look in the mirror the next morning and be disappointed because nothing seemed to change. Growing into the person you will be, is a gradual process. If that's had for you to remember, just think that for you to grow from the 6 year old who loved to color to the 19 year old you are striving to make it in college, remember that you didn't go to be as a 6 year old and wake up as a 19 year old. :)